I Cast my Crown

Days where my pride overtakes every ounce of Christ-likeness in me. When I'm fumbling and fuming all in one breath. This is when I cast my crown.

I cast my crown and say not my will but Yours.

I cast my crown and say to You belongs honor.

I cast my crown because I have no good thing apart from He who crowned me.

This beautiful God crowned me with grace and glory. Yeah, He dreamed of me. Yeah, He thought of every quirk, every intonation of my voice, every freckle on my face. So really my good is His.

Today I choose mercy.

I give mercy to the people who knowingly or unknowingly offended me. I extend mercy to myself for dwelling on lies straight from the enemy about my worth, my purpose, my value. I must do this. I have to. Life is a vapor and it is fading ever so quickly. My minor pains and bruises are so miniscule and petty compared to the real injustice occurring in this world. To the merciful, He shows Himself merciful.

I cast my crown and I weep.

I weep over pain.

I weep because it's so silly how much pain I feel over the silliest comment. I weep because I know that God weeps with me over these tiny, itty bitty infractions. No one else sees, but Him. He knows every detail of my life.

I cast my crown and I hold the hand of He who holds this world.

God never enacts the pause control button on the world. He never escapes into fantasy just to not feel the pain over betrayal, to not feel the atrocities of abuse, to not see the hate and murder in families. He never slumbers. He never sleeps.

And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account. -Hebrews 4.13

I cast my crown, again for I am naked before God. Every vulnerability, every wall of defense, every well articulated argument is leveled before Him.

This is good news. He knows me. He extends mercy because of His humility. He takes my crown that I've casted down and places it back onto my mangled hair. And says, today I've crowned you, today I've given you grace and glory.

He gives us so much dignity. He gives us so much honor. He gives grace and glory to us.

That's why I can cast my crown and love God all the more than I did moments before.

New Beginnings for this Blog

I’m engaged and almost married. Marriage is this beautiful, looming adventure that many travel to yet few fight hard and finish well. For Kyl, my fiancé, and me divorce isn’t an option, at all.  We have settled it; we won’t even throw around such a term in a threatening, fix-yourself fight.

Now let me be blunt: I’ve never been the girl who has dreamed about her fluffy, extravagant wedding. Before I met Kyl, I was content with being single. Perhaps it was my jaded, been there been hurt by men attitude. Even as a child and before the trauma and drama of adolescence, I never played the princess bride. I was rumbling and tumbling through canyons and bare feet with my older brother, hunting coyotes and finding fox skulls.

So into my broken and cryptic life waltzes this unassuming and authentic man, Kyl Michael Means. One and half years later I’m sold, done deal, mind made up: I’m choosing this man to love for the rest of my life. Honestly, he choose me first, but I said yes!

I’m beyond excited to be married!

There’s going to be so much laughter and joy. There’s also going to be so many tears and hard choices. I want to record real life on this blog. Hollywood sells our daughters and friends such a lie when it comes to the “ideal relationship.” I want to demystify love and dating. I want to get down into the nitty gritty of why God created man and woman, why it is not good for man to be without a companion, a helper. I want to share stories of success, failure, hilarity and victory.

In no way do I have the answer. But there’s a path and I’m following this little light of mine and venturing hand in hand with my Friend, my Jesus, my Comforter to encourage, provoke, inspire and guide broken women like myself to lift the vision higher and receive every drop of mercy and glory that the Father eagerly awaits to place into your hands.

The unknown is exciting, requiring the rising out of comfort to find it. Here we go!

December 18, 2012 the day Kyl proposed to me in San Diego

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:16

This is why I’m writing.

Let your light so shine before men – the truth of what the very Word of God says about marriage, being a godly wife and best friend to your husband that he feels so romanced, honored, encouraged and empowered to walk out his calling.

That they may see – when your husband sees how faithfully and joyfully you love him in prayer, deed, word and thought it in turn causes him to lead your family with such integrity and authenticity, a true partnership.

Your good works – how to walk out love: practically, spiritually, emotionally; how you carry the dreams and secrets of his heart before God, your children and friends.

And glorify your Father in heaven – God is the primary, the reason, the source, the rock of your marriage, it’s all unto Him being made known and receiving love and worship from your family, the picture of marriage is only a type and shadow of our impending union with Him in glory.

Wedding Pressure

These are the days of perfectly "Pinterest-ed" parties and succulent spotted soirees. And do you know what this brings for all party planners? Pressure. Try and factor in if you're a first (and only) time bride! All your friends are exasperatedly telling you, Oh if only I had Pinterest back when I was getting married! Ah, pressure! Then there's girls that aren't married or engaged or dating but they're already crafting and drafting these beautiful wedding ideas. Thus the comparison pressure of her wedding will be better than mine.

Okay, I'll back track a bit... I love Pinterest, really! I'm so grateful that I do have it for the day I say, I do! It has some absolutely amazing DIYs and low-budget ideas that I need, all this creativity harnessed onto one consolidated site is revolutionary! Plus all of my wonderful, dedicated and loving bridesmaids, and mom, can post wedding ideas onto a secret board that no one but us can see.

Back to the pressure: it's there! It's alive, it's breathing down my neck and I am scared to face it!

Or at least I was three weeks ago.

Here's what I've concluded. I've got $5,000 (let's just get real) to throw a once in lifetime celebration kick-starting my forever relationship to the man of my dreams, Mr. Kyl Michael Means. After spending $700 on my dress, $600 on a venue, $1,200 on photography, $500 on tables and chairs, $1,000 for cake and food, $300 for flowers and an unknown amount for a DJ we have yet to find - I'm basically down to maybe $500 for mind-blowing decor that will cause all of our guests to be astounded and loquaciously laude Kyl and I for our innovative, out-of-the-box, beautifully adorned wedding genius!

And that is just not going to happen.

This is the day where all of our friends gather around us, witness our union, bless our life together and then celebrate the glory of covenant! And on June 16th, we'll wake up and the day before remains just a memory.

Weddings are not about the approval from your guests about petty things like the decorations. It's so silly. I completely allowed this pressure for approval to overwhelm me, comparison almost swallowed me whole.

I completely left out Jesus. I was planning this wedding all in the flesh, striving for a corruptible goal: approval of man. But this is the constant poking from heaven on humanity, can I lay this down seeing that it's just wood, hay and stubble?

Yes, oh resounding in my spirit - yes, gladly! Even in the most minute of details, He takes those burdens for me. I wasn't meant to bear the weight of a perfectly put together wedding. No one was even putting this on me except my self. I let culture dictate my every move and I was at the beck and call of "tradition."

June 15, 2013 is the day I've been waiting for all my life. For two years of dating Kyl and I have dedicated our relationship to the glories and purposes of Jesus. Our wedding day marks the beginning of walking out our Isaiah 61:3 banner as a couple.

The pressure is relieved and I cannot wait to be Mrs. Means even if my centerpieces aren't perfect or if the colors don't match. It's a beautiful thing to be married, even the engagement process is refining so I am embracing every moment.

Fellow 2013 brides, don't let all the pressure of perfection weigh down on you. Enjoy the engagement and all the attention from family and friends until that momentous, unforgettable day!

And yes, this picture is from Pinterest! :)

Wedding Website

Wedding websites are a glorious invention, saving couples money and time. May I present to you our wedding website for your browsing pleasure:

mywedding.com/kylandcourtney

Beauty on Bourbon Street

This year during the Super Bowl, I went with a team to New Orleans, Louisiana to minister to women in commercial sexual exploitation. With most sporting events, demand for sex rises as tourists flood in. This was statistically proven with our own recording of the number of Internet prostitution site postings increasing as the Super Bowl drew near.

Balconies filled on the French Quarter

Bourbon Street really is beautiful!

Not only did demand for sex rise because of the Super Bowl, but Mardi Gras was the following week. The strip clubs were incredibly busy with new girls being hired to meet the demand of tourists flocking to the French Quarter.

The team from Exodus Cry with Cindy Collins

We partnered with Cindy Collins from SpeakHope and Diane Amos from Dream Center: New Orleans, to bring hope, life and presents to the girls busy working the strip clubs. 

I went into Stilettos twice with Cindy and Diane back into the dressing rooms to give cake and beauty products. We didn't have too much time because of the shift change but I spoke with "Bubbles" and was able to grab her contact info to talk more with her.

The Lord was definitely moving in New Orleans! Hope was rising amidst the drunken party goers and our intercession shift the dark, lustful atmosphere. 

We also held a prayer meeting at the oldest church in the French Quarter, it was one street away from Bourbon, established in the early 1900's it's surrounded by clubs and bars.

Mama Cindy with Michelle and I, passing on her wisdom, knowledge and mama heart to us young ins! Cindy provokes me, I pray that I am a woman of integrity like her when I'm her age!

There was also down time to enjoy the beauty of New Orleans, our hosts Chris and Debbie Whitty took us on a boat ride down the Pearl River in Slidell, so beautiful!

The entire town of New Orleans and surrounding communities celebrate Mardi Gras like it's Christmas! With beautiful wreaths and festive flags adorning homes, cars and people alike!

For more about the trip to New Orleans with Exodus Cry, Michelle our team member wrote an incredible blog! See it here: http://exoduscry.com/blog/beautyonbourbon/

The Call: Belo Horizonte

 The Call in Belo Horizonte was a time of intercession for issues in the culture and church. Lou Engle and Stacey Campbell were both there as leaders. Blaire prayed for the issue of sexuality and human trafficking.

10 Days in Recife, Brazil

Once landing in Recife, Brazil a fresh anointing came upon our team. That night we were given a crash course in church on the streets from Nic Billman from Shores of Grace, the ministering that hosted us.

Nic, Rachael and their team carries such a heavy grace to walk in the Father's heart. Never before had I encountered such joyful, happy hearts walking in the midst of such poverty and generational abuse coupled with astounding healing power.

They host church in the streets every Wednesday night. They're in the most dangerous part of Recife, a park square known for daily murder, rape and abuse. The police are so corrupt in Brazil that in this square there is a police hut, but they never act on atrocities that occur before their eyes, just wait until the victim is dead.

This is Paulo, he was a homeless man with epilepsy.

Paulo was the first man I prayed for. I had never felt the amount of compassion welling up inside of me before that night. I realized that it was the embodiment of God's heart for this beautiful, broken man. In fact, Paulo was homeless, he lived on a cardboard box. Other street people beat him up and made fun of him because of his epilepsy, it left him utterly helpless. While praying for him, he told us that he felt fire shooting throughout his legs.

Meet Jessica, a beautiful and beaming homeless child

Jessica came to church on the streets both nights we hosted it. We drew butterflies together and she let me paint her nails.

The old church across the street from the park, what happens in the spirit reflects in the natural

Okay, so now here's a break in the spiritual side of this trip: Sao Braz coffee! Oh it is delicious and wonderful! There was a Sao Braz coffee shop just a short five minutes from our host home, right on the beach. I spent just about every morning here.

Pao de Quejo (cheese bread)

Old town Recife

 Across from old town Recife is the ocean, but between the city and the rest of the Atlantic is a man-made island full of pagan gods. It was a boat ride across shark infested waters. We had a time of worship and prayer on this demonic island.

Idols on the demonic island

Nic and Blaire on the demonic island

Tiny boats to the demonic island

 The other places we ministered to the broken were to the prostituted men, women and children. Brazil has an incredible number of transgendered prostitutes, most of them underage boys.

A young women prostituting

 The most incredible thing happened, second only to my encounter with Paulo earlier in that week. As a small group of my team and I were ministering to a group of  prostituted women, one of them, Gabrielle, began to prophesy to us. In essence she told us that we must keep coming down to the streets and being a light to the broken! That we could be doing anything else in the world but we decided to spend our money and time to be on the streets with her. She told that we must bring more people to come and minister! It was incredibly powerful!

Then, Gabrielle had a john pull up and she got in his car and left.

An old apartment complex, taken over and now a favela

 At our host home in the back was a small house of prayer. Our team spent 2-4 hours a day crying out for the Lord to visit this city.

Beach in Recife, I miss this!

I'm a Published Writer... Again!

How fun! So many exciting opportunities to write updates and blogs for Exodus Cry, the non-profit I work for that fights to end human trafficking.

Ta-da:
http://exoduscry.com/blog/intervention/team-brazil/

http://exoduscry.com/blog/intervention/israel-2012/

http://exoduscry.com/blog/intervention/brazil-the-world-stage/

10 Days in Fortaleza, Brazil

As I'm processing the five-week trip I took with Exodus Cry, I will post about each city. I present to you the blossoming city of Fortaleza:

Me, Liz, Luke, Meagan, Blaire, Stephanie and Tim

Fortaleza from the plane

Walking through Oitao Preto

In Fortaleza our team connected with Iris Ministries: Herbert and Lorelei Barbutti. Herbert is Brazilian but grew up in the US and moved to Brazil two years ago with his wife. Lorelei leads the outreaches to the Beta Mar, a sex tourism hotspot where children, women and men sell their bodies for sex. With their team, Iris has planted a house of prayer (HOP) in the favela, or slum, Oitao Preto. This particular favela is known as the factory that produces prostitutes to walk up and down the Beta Mar strip, and this contending HOP is in the dead center, a former drug den with a 360 degree lookout.

The view from the house of prayer

Day of prayer and fasting for Fortaleza

While in Fortaleza we hosted two Safety Fairs, designed for children at risk of sexual abuse, teaching them about how to protect their bodies, confide in a trusted adult and the purity that is theirs despite any sort of defamation of their frame.

Girls from the Safety Fair

There were many days that we went to the (HOP) to pray for hours, but we decided to take an entire day to pray and fast for the city of Fortaleza. On this day, a drug war was taking place and it only fueled our intercession. As homes were being torn to mere brick and bits of concrete, we cried out to the Lord for the restoration of Oitao Preto.

One of the destroyed homes

I also went on a house visit with the Iris team to a family living in the favela. I met Marta, a 60-something year old woman who had taken in six children under the age of 12, no relation whatsoever, whose mother had died of cancer. All seven of them were living in a one-room 12x12 shack with a twin-sized bed and sink. Taindra, Alfredo, Vitoria, Jose, Joao Paulo and Marcele were all obviously traumatized because 4 out of the 6 never spoke to anyone. I couldn’t believe how much integrity Marta had, truly a woman who trusted in Jesus for everything. In fact, she told me that she gave away food all the time to the cripples and bed-ridden in that community. Amazing! Pray for this family and the restoration of these children.

Youth With a Mission (YWAM) has a fairly large reach in Brazil. We met up with YWAM Fortaleza, for a three-night conference: screening the film Nefarious: Merchant of Souls, equipping and training them to minister to the prostituted on their streets and the last night taking them with us.

Blaire screening Nefarious at YWAM

By the third time on the Beta Mar, different women that I had spoken to before recognized me coming and would run up to say hello. It was so beautiful! Women that in the first contact had been so hardened and hesitant to enter into simple conversation were excited to talk and pray by the second meeting. One of the girls, Camilla, especially captured my heart. She lived in Amsterdam for four years, working behind the windows. Camilla told me that every night when she finally went home, she would talk to Jesus. She elaborated that His presence would come into her room and when she felt His peace she could finally fall asleep. I love how Jesus is continuing to draw Camilla near Himself, though she is still entangled in sin, He gives her peace instead of shame. It’s a reminder of the gentle process of the Lord to save and sanctify the human soul, and the testimony that will come forth.

Praying on the Beta Mar, that's me in the middle

The Iris Team has such a spirit of humility and integrity. There were many more people and stories from this beloved city. Truly the Lord is turning the hearts of Fortaleza to Himself. The incense of pure worship and adoration is rising from one of the hardest and darkest places in that city. 

The Iris and Exodus Cry Teams

Isaiah 49 Prayer for Brazil

Listen, O coastlands, to Me

I have heard you, to restore  

That the prisoner may go forth, and those who are in darkness

They shall neither hunger nor thirst

For He who has mercy on them will lead them

Even by the springs of water, He will guide them

For the Lord, He’s comforted His people

And will have mercy on His afflicted

Can a woman forget her nursing child

And not have compassion on the son of her womb?

Surely they may forget, yet I will not forget you

See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands

Lift up your eyes, look around and see

Then you will say in your heart

Who has begotten these for me since I have lost my children

And am desolate, a captive

Kings shall be your foster fathers

And their queens, your nursing mothers

Then you will know that I am the Lord

For they shall not be ashamed who wait for Me.

For I will contend with him who contends with you

And I will save your children

That all will know

I, the Lord, am your Savior and your Redeemer

I'm a Published Writer

How exciting! I wrote a blog for Exodus Cry.

http://exoduscry.com/blog/united-kingdom-tour-update/

From Melancholy to Fire

The days I feel melancholy are the moments when the Spirit is shouting. Biding me. Asking of me to draw near, to come close.

And so this melancholy turns and faces the flame, the consuming fire of love.

I'm gripped with the reality of the dire need I have for God to deliver me from myself.

Reluctantly, letting go. Revealing the pressure bottled in, held up by pride and conceit. With one breath of God, all is laid bare.

Torn between silence before a holy God and revival fire burning within me.

I recognize: intimacy with God is a docile, steady stream and a raging fire. This juxtaposition of truth stands. It remains. It just is.

What seems incomprehensible to my feeble, human mind is releasing the key to the eternal, to the knowledge of God.

I am now dialed down, in tune with the heartbeat of heaven; communing in a dialogue with zealous fire.

Revival- the inrush of the Spirit into the body that threatens to become a corpse. - D.M. Panton

The Gospel is not an old, old story, freshly told. It is a fire in the Spirit, fed by the flame of Immortal Love; and woe unto us, if, through our negligence to stir up the Gift of God which is within us, that fire burns lows. - Dr. R. Moffat Gautrey

Our praying, however, needs to be pressed and pursued with an energy that never tires, a persistency which will not be denied, and a courage which never fails. - E.M. Bounds

All decays begin in the closet; no heart thrives without much secret converse with God, and nothing will make amends for the want of it. - Berridge

Love is a kindled in a flame, and ardentcy is its life. Flame is the air which true Christian experience breathes. It feeds on fire; it can withstand anything, rather than a feeble flame; but when the surrounding atmosphere is frigid or lukewarm, it dies, chilled and starved to its vitals. True prayer MUST be aflame. - E.M. Bounds

The only saving faith is that which casts itself on God for life or death. - Martin Luther

Prayer is the acid test of devotion. - Samuel Chadwick

And so my melancholy is fanned into fire, emblazoned to seek the face of God. Not to bumble about, wasting time, squandering these days. But pressing in, sitting at the feet of Jesus, watching, waiting, tarrying.

Ministry Trip to Brazil

Brazil is a beautiful country that expands almost the entire east side of South America. It became an independent nation in 1822 that borders nine out of eleven countries. It is known world-wide for it's beautiful beaches and women.

But what many don't know about this seemingly prospering country is that the slave trade wasn't abolished until 1889, over eighty years since Wilberforce's day. This country was the very last stronghold of slavery.

An over-sexualized culture that prides itself with Carnival, the infamous four day celebration of equality between the rich and poor. It is a masked event that has roots in African voodoo. The American equivalent, Mardi Gras, is tame compared to this festival. It is also the second largest consumer of cocaine in the world. A common saying in Brazil is, 'Deus a Brasileiro' which in Portuguese means God is Brazilian.

There is a dark side to the veneer of excitement and casual sex. Experts estimate about 15% of 15-20 year olds have contracted a venereal disease. Eighty to ninety percent of all Victoria's Secret models are Brazilian. Prostitution is legal, sex tourism is rampant as men from affluent countries prey on vulnerable women and children. In 2010 the youngest 'Carnival Queen,' a sexualized, samba-dancing role, a was seven year old Julia Lira. She was the youngest ever and was backed by troops of topless dancers.

The 2014 World Cup will be held in fourteen cities in Brazil, it will bring in hundreds of thousands of tourists. This influx increases the demand for fast and flirty women. More often than not, international sporting events in any major city, increase trafficking of women eighty percent.

Brazil will also host the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro. Exodus Cry has chosen to point the cannon of prayer over this nation for the next few years. Desiring to raise awareness to tourists as well as inform nationals, women and children alike, of the dangerous of prostitution and sexual abuse. The prayer and hope is to see the Church in Brazil take a stand against this leader of promiscuous sex in the world and watch the strongholds be taken down.

The Brazilian Federal Police estimate there are about 250,000 child prostitutes on the streets.The age of consent is fourteen. But eighteen is the permitted age of prostitution. Drug and poverty play a very important role in the fates of these women and children. Even young boys partake in transvestite prostitution, it's been reported they are more popular than the women.

All that being said, there is a critical need to strengthen the hands that are already laboring faithfully in the place of outreach to women and children and prayer. I get the chance to do just that!

I have the opportunity to travel with Exodus Cry to the northeast part of Brazil this fall.

First we'll go to the city of Fortaleza from October 18th through the 29th strengthening Iris Ministries who were given a building in the darkest favella (slum) that was formally a drug den turned house of prayer. In the mornings we will be praying with their teams and in the evenings participating in outreach on the streets and in the clubs. Also, we will be teaching local children sexual abuse prevention. From October 30th through November 8th we'll be in Recife. A city the farthest east, the place where the morning light hits first. We'll reach out to those in the Red Light Districts there where children prostitute themselves.


Please prayerfully consider partnering with me on this endeavor. This trip cost $3,300. I need $1,500 by August 30th and the rest by the end of September. So far I've had nine donations totaling to $700. 


For more information on partnership you can visit my Go Fund Me page with real time updates:
http://www.gofundme.com/BrazilTrip12

Visit Exodus Cry's website for more information on the prayer movement to end slavery or click on:
http://exoduscry.com/philanthropy/international-field-work/

While He May Be Found

I went to Forerunner Christian Fellowship last night, Corey Russell was preaching. He began and didn't even name off what his sermon was even about, he jumped right in.


And it was exactly what I need to hear. 


Over and over again, for last four or five weeks, the Lord has been questioning me, probing my mind to reveal my heart on why I chose to live in Kansas City and be involved with the International House of Prayer. It seemed like everywhere I turned in the pages of my Bible, God was speaking and asking the question. It bothered me. I felt I shouldn't have to give a reason for why I'm here. 


But truthfully, the Lord knew that I had become apathetic, bored, jaded and out of touch. The rhetoric of night and day prayer, Song of Solomon, the Bridegroom God, fasting and what it means to be a forerunner messenger truly became just that to me: mere words. Mere lip-service with a disconnected heart. I was sincere, but I lacked hunger for growth. I lacked authenticity for that which I intellectually knew.


Thankfully, the Lord truly does know how to grab my attention and let me respond, shaking me from the norms of the wilderness and into seeing His purposes and plans. He reunited my heart with the truths of why I give myself to prayer. Why I give up on what the world calls "success" and choose the success that Jesus has for me. This is why I love Him. This is why I moved to the Midwest to find Him in this tiny little prayer room with sincere, earnest and lovesick worshipers. Somehow, after being in the daily routine of prayer for two years, I lost perspective.


Corey spoke about having a heart connection with new revelation from the same stuff we've heard over and over again. He declared the harsh, but real reality that God calls, commissions and crucifies His servants so that we may become the very embodiment of the message. I know that my last couple of months of just going through the motions wasn't backsliding, it was a signing back up and realigning of my heart for the next few decades of serving the Lord in a focused and dedicated way, whether I'm in Kansas City or elsewhere.


Another take home point for me was this phrase, "If they (forerunners) never said anything, their lives prophesied." Amen and amen! I want this. Even if I end up being a stay at home mom and never preach in front of thousands or never publish a book, my life is a prophetic signpost pointing others to the beauty of Jesus and the reality that this life is but a vapor, fading fast and that the Lord of glory, Jesus Christ, is coming back to the earth to vindicate the poor, the needy, the saints and all who call upon His name because of the prevailing injustice, oppression and wickedness of our time. This is what my life is unto, the proclamation of the truth of this Man - Jesus.


"God's methodology is humans," is another phrase that reached into my heart. This caused me to feel like I haven't been disobedient or rebellious towards God the last couple months. For the Creator knew when He dreamed of a family for Himself that we would in fact rebel and have a fallen nature, but He wanted partnership. He knows the weakness of my frame. He knows this, He's well-acquainted with my weak ways. Yet God chose me, He chose you. It's the way He runs His perfect kingdom of love.

-God uses eschatology to fuel present day labor
To me, this solidified that my blessed hope, the anchor of my soul, is to see Jesus return at the sounding of that seventh trumpet, with a shout. This is why I live. Everything flows from a place of voluntary love to see the sick healed, the lame walk, the dead in spirit come alive by His goodness and grace, to see widespread repentance and the Holy Spirit poured out on all flesh. I live so that Jesus would be glorified on this earth, in every human heart that accepts who He is and what it actually means to follow Him.

- Swim against American culture that tells you to "chill out"
The American dream, ugh, what a sad story. What a deception, a fraud. The American dream is a lie. It's all about attaining wealth, status, possessions and the approval of man. It's all about self. And this American culture loves tolerance. It hates the truth. It hates anything that bucks up against someone else's false notions that they got off the internet and MTV. It's true. I know this because I fell prey to this, it's a complete deception that gets you nowhere. Truly, social media has robbed us of real community, real significance in our lives and genuine relationships with people. The American culture wants everyone to just relax, work hard, but not too hard and just enjoy your happy life and don't bother anyone with the truth of where their abject sin is going to land them for all of eternity. Forever. Eternity is a long time. This life is only the beginnings, the internship of forever. This determines that.

- Get urgency
   Feel the weight of God's real wrath being poured upon the unrepentant who shake their fists at God and say He is a liar. I want to have a ready spirit. I want to be able to stand and minister to the hurting who do not understand who God is. He is love, but He is jealous. I must know His word, I must have experiential knowledge of Him, I must.

It's a new season for me. A season of encounter. A new season to sit at His feet and hear His Word. To spend hours in His presence, to say no to things that are permissible but not beneficial. I want to be a voice for this generation. I want to stand out. By conforming and waving the colorful flag of tolerance, I will not be able to confront the sins of my generation.

I'm a forerunner, declaring the soon coming return of Jesus. I'm a forerunner, displaying the knowledge of God by my lifestyle. I'm a forerunner, dedicating the strength of my youth to fall in love with the Word made flesh.

To have a spirit of burning that will not subside with the cares and worries of this life. To not be swayed by man's opinions. But to listen to the wisdom of God and of other believers, to gain ground and seek the Lord while He may be found.

The Search

My soul is like a harp, calling out to my Maker. To declare His beauty, majesty and mercy. My soul is made as a sacred space to commune with that which has no end, no words to describe, no limits.

In all of creation- from mountain scapes vast to the tiniest worker ant- my soul, my human soul, reflects and calls out to YHWH. The I Am that I Am made me for a purpose: to enjoy Him enjoying me fully and forever. This is a great treasure and a marvelous mystery.

Somehow man knows there's a lack. Within, there is an obvious break in this space. That's why man stumbles around in the dark, groping for affirmation, pleasure, thrills, money, admiration and the like. It isn't wrong to desire greatness and love, but its real source, the real fountain of life, is missing from the search.

The searching proves the lack.

The inherent need to be wanted and loved.

Soul scurrying to figure out what is lost and how to get it back. All this busyness presupposes a once unbroken communion with One greater, pure and bright.

Luckily, a solution came two thousand years ago.

But we're in denial.

Made for God

Reading Tozer's Purpose of Man I can rid myself of doubt and insecurity. For despite my age, lack of education and experience, I have purpose. I can say to the one with degree upon degree and a bank account full of money that I know the chief end to man's purpose. I was created for God. No longer must I wander in spiritual amnesia, forgetting why I exist on this earth. For God made me for Him. I reflect His glory. I am made in His image. God created man so man may worship Him.

So many search the depths of their mind, wallet, emotions and time just to find the purpose and meaning of human existence. It is the greatest question posed throughout the years: why? Why am I here? What is my purpose?

See here, so many reject the idea of creation for the glory and worship of a holy God because of sin and the shame associated. Not to mention, there is a great deceiver whose own self-appointed purpose is to defame that noble Name by which we were called. So you tell a Buddhist, an atheist, an artist, an athlete: you were made to worship God! They'll scoff and ridicule, but tonight while lying on their bed one solitary, scary and exciting, life-altering thought will not be abated from the mind, what if that Christian was right? For their defenses shot up so fast, almost instinctively because as good 21st century humans, we reject anything that bases its whole hope on that which is unseen, intangible and can't be put into a bottle to sell later. Yet our deep cries out to deep, towards something that may enlighten the veiled truths of time.

The gaping wound of most is stuffed to the full with lust, lies and religious liturgies. The hole, the space inside man that is seemingly unsolvable, hinges upon an uncreated, pure, holy, merciful and and full of love for you and me, God.

This is who you were made for. Don't draw back, don't hide. Don't put it off for tomorrow to choose. Don't wait until perfection has been reached, and the "bad years" far behind. Now. Now is the time. Now is the hour of salvation. Now, at the dawning of a new and merciful morning, last night's transgressions forgiven.

Jesus came for the sick, not for the well. Come. Even if you have no money. Come if you're thirsty for purpose in this life.

Seek the Lord while He may be found. While your heart races and the intuition in your spirit cries yes. Call upon Him while He is near, for God will have mercy and He will abundantly pardon you.

This is the straight and narrow road, to leave behind the baggage of the past, for now. The Lord will take them and gently bring you to rememberance and deliverance of such things later. Lay it down and run forward. Even now, push forward, say yes to your purpose as an heir of the kingdom of love.

Say yes to the beautiful, perfect Man who took on your shame and sin. Say yes to His resurrection from the dead. To crucify all of your fleshly lusts with Him on that cross. Though the path is at times stricken with disease, doubt and trials. There is a hope everlasting. There is a purpose: to worship God. To know and be known, fully, in the age to come where there's no more death, no sorrow, no crying. There will be no more pain and the former things will pass away.

It's a real day, dawning and bright, right on the other side of this life.

All this you can have if you just say yes. If you keep saying yes to where God's Spirit leads you.

Practical Faith

What does it profit...if someone says he has faith, but does not have works? If a ... sister is naked and destitute of daily food and one of you say to [her], 'Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,' but do not give [her] the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? James 2.14-16


I read this verse and can't help but think of the prostitute; of her plight and all who talk about her and give pity, but don't do the practical. They don't take her in, clothe and feed her or listen to her story. So many promote her injustice. They use her testimony to remind us the 'less fortunate' need our help. But never do anything to help rescue her from her destruction through the power of Jesus.

What does it profit to simply 'understand' and 'sympathize' but never pray for her soul and safety?

What is it to continually buy cup after cup of coffee, but never give money or donate clothing to give her?

Why do we talk in circles about her, but never talk to her?

Mercy is not given through lip service among men, but with the hands and wallet. To continually lift up intercession on her behalf, knowing she's a daughter of God, just as much as I.

To be counted as the friend of God, like Abraham, and offer up my 'Isaac' of insecurity, selfishness and comfort for the sake of doing - not just thinking or remembering. 

For what is faith? Is it believing there is a God in heaven? Or could it be the believing and trusting that God sees, hears and cares?

Maybe this is earth's test of faith, that through every emotion, circumstance and action, choosing to believe that the only begotten of the Father humbled Himself and died my death. That He has felt and lived through every single pain and joy as I have.

This is faith: knowing that despite man's shortcomings, God does not lie in His jealous, burning and relentless love for humanity.

I must be like Him! I must reciprocate my feelings of gratitude for Him. So I'll do as He did. I can't live my faith only in my mind, void of actions. I must give the naked clothing. I must take her into my home, give her my bed to sleep in and food to eat. I must tell her of the love of Christ. I must! I want to!

This is faith.

For it is wrong to look into the perfect law of liberty then simply forget that which it has instructed.

God needs more friends like Abraham. I want to be like Abraham.

Highly Recommend Nefarious:Merchant of Souls as a must-see film on human trafficking

You must watch Nefarious: Merchant of Souls because of the excellence of the film as well as the message. Nefarious is a documentary that doesn’t hold back, there is no political agenda only kingdom hope: that is Jesus. They have traveled all over the world documenting human trafficking in Israel, Las Vegas, Cambodia, India, Thailand, Amsterdam, Sweden,  Costa Rice and many others. This isn’t a trite group of 20-somethings high on some proverbial issue with a rink-a-dink camera and their parent’s money. This is a group of professional cinematographers, writers, producers that have a deep passion for excellence in film. This documentary took over 2 years to create.

While watching this documentary you can’t help but feel scandalized by the secrets hidden in darkness in these countries. Why do so many governmental officials accept bribes and pay-offs at the exploitation of the innocent. Benjamin Nolot steps behind the veil of the sex trade and pulls back the fraudulent ideas and schemes of greedy pimps. He asks the hard questions to pimps and human trafficking survivors alike all with a father-like sensitivity. It isn’t his curiosity that causing Nolot to search out the shrouded stories of sex slavery, it’s the insatiable and necessary answers to the truth of the abject occurrences in young men and women’s lives all at the hands of oppressors.

This isn’t a phase of pseudo-justice film-making, this is lasting truths, real stories, undeniable testimonies and the hope of Jesus Christ. What I love most about the film is that you aren’t left feeling hopeless. This isn’t about raising awareness (although that is needed). It is about appealing to a higher court than even the Supreme Court, it is to enter into the heart of the Father that daily looks upon injustice and weep with Him. Tangible tools are given at the end: prayer and to become an incurable fanatic. This Wilberforce quote , If to be feelingly alive to the sufferings of my fellow-creatures is to be a fanatic, I am one of the most incurable fanatics ever permitted to be at large. Is poignant to the film, brilliant really to begin entering into one of the beauties of humanity, and that is to help another. To reach out and grab hold of one who needs to be taken in, nurtured, loved and cared for.

Nefarious is a must-see film. Really, you must buy it. You must view it. Even if you don’t agree with the teachings of Jesus, I believe that you will find hope when watching this film, allow yourself to believe that which bears witness to your heart’s cry. Listen all the way through the facts, gorgeous cinematographer, well-versed narration and to the end where testimonies from former prostitutes and recognize the hope found now in their eyes. 


Buy the film: http://exoduscry.com/store
Become an Incurable Fanatic.