While He May Be Found

I went to Forerunner Christian Fellowship last night, Corey Russell was preaching. He began and didn't even name off what his sermon was even about, he jumped right in.


And it was exactly what I need to hear. 


Over and over again, for last four or five weeks, the Lord has been questioning me, probing my mind to reveal my heart on why I chose to live in Kansas City and be involved with the International House of Prayer. It seemed like everywhere I turned in the pages of my Bible, God was speaking and asking the question. It bothered me. I felt I shouldn't have to give a reason for why I'm here. 


But truthfully, the Lord knew that I had become apathetic, bored, jaded and out of touch. The rhetoric of night and day prayer, Song of Solomon, the Bridegroom God, fasting and what it means to be a forerunner messenger truly became just that to me: mere words. Mere lip-service with a disconnected heart. I was sincere, but I lacked hunger for growth. I lacked authenticity for that which I intellectually knew.


Thankfully, the Lord truly does know how to grab my attention and let me respond, shaking me from the norms of the wilderness and into seeing His purposes and plans. He reunited my heart with the truths of why I give myself to prayer. Why I give up on what the world calls "success" and choose the success that Jesus has for me. This is why I love Him. This is why I moved to the Midwest to find Him in this tiny little prayer room with sincere, earnest and lovesick worshipers. Somehow, after being in the daily routine of prayer for two years, I lost perspective.


Corey spoke about having a heart connection with new revelation from the same stuff we've heard over and over again. He declared the harsh, but real reality that God calls, commissions and crucifies His servants so that we may become the very embodiment of the message. I know that my last couple of months of just going through the motions wasn't backsliding, it was a signing back up and realigning of my heart for the next few decades of serving the Lord in a focused and dedicated way, whether I'm in Kansas City or elsewhere.


Another take home point for me was this phrase, "If they (forerunners) never said anything, their lives prophesied." Amen and amen! I want this. Even if I end up being a stay at home mom and never preach in front of thousands or never publish a book, my life is a prophetic signpost pointing others to the beauty of Jesus and the reality that this life is but a vapor, fading fast and that the Lord of glory, Jesus Christ, is coming back to the earth to vindicate the poor, the needy, the saints and all who call upon His name because of the prevailing injustice, oppression and wickedness of our time. This is what my life is unto, the proclamation of the truth of this Man - Jesus.


"God's methodology is humans," is another phrase that reached into my heart. This caused me to feel like I haven't been disobedient or rebellious towards God the last couple months. For the Creator knew when He dreamed of a family for Himself that we would in fact rebel and have a fallen nature, but He wanted partnership. He knows the weakness of my frame. He knows this, He's well-acquainted with my weak ways. Yet God chose me, He chose you. It's the way He runs His perfect kingdom of love.

-God uses eschatology to fuel present day labor
To me, this solidified that my blessed hope, the anchor of my soul, is to see Jesus return at the sounding of that seventh trumpet, with a shout. This is why I live. Everything flows from a place of voluntary love to see the sick healed, the lame walk, the dead in spirit come alive by His goodness and grace, to see widespread repentance and the Holy Spirit poured out on all flesh. I live so that Jesus would be glorified on this earth, in every human heart that accepts who He is and what it actually means to follow Him.

- Swim against American culture that tells you to "chill out"
The American dream, ugh, what a sad story. What a deception, a fraud. The American dream is a lie. It's all about attaining wealth, status, possessions and the approval of man. It's all about self. And this American culture loves tolerance. It hates the truth. It hates anything that bucks up against someone else's false notions that they got off the internet and MTV. It's true. I know this because I fell prey to this, it's a complete deception that gets you nowhere. Truly, social media has robbed us of real community, real significance in our lives and genuine relationships with people. The American culture wants everyone to just relax, work hard, but not too hard and just enjoy your happy life and don't bother anyone with the truth of where their abject sin is going to land them for all of eternity. Forever. Eternity is a long time. This life is only the beginnings, the internship of forever. This determines that.

- Get urgency
   Feel the weight of God's real wrath being poured upon the unrepentant who shake their fists at God and say He is a liar. I want to have a ready spirit. I want to be able to stand and minister to the hurting who do not understand who God is. He is love, but He is jealous. I must know His word, I must have experiential knowledge of Him, I must.

It's a new season for me. A season of encounter. A new season to sit at His feet and hear His Word. To spend hours in His presence, to say no to things that are permissible but not beneficial. I want to be a voice for this generation. I want to stand out. By conforming and waving the colorful flag of tolerance, I will not be able to confront the sins of my generation.

I'm a forerunner, declaring the soon coming return of Jesus. I'm a forerunner, displaying the knowledge of God by my lifestyle. I'm a forerunner, dedicating the strength of my youth to fall in love with the Word made flesh.

To have a spirit of burning that will not subside with the cares and worries of this life. To not be swayed by man's opinions. But to listen to the wisdom of God and of other believers, to gain ground and seek the Lord while He may be found.