At times it can seem like frustration overtakes the mind when the standards of my own heart I cannot seem to live up to. The sense of never attaining perfection annoys and wearies me. Why can I not sanctify myself through simple disciplines and rigors?
The truth is that disciplines are tools to remaining in conversation with the Spirit, not the religion itself. How easily tools distract. How prone to make disciplines and schedules the one I’m in relationship with, rendering me an idol worshipper. And it is this sense of falling short that my depravity bleeds through.
Even when looking at this depravity, my utter helplessness, I become even more sickened by my own self. Yet I forget to look at the fact that my depravity is the key that unlocks the door to the throne of mercy. It’s the entry way in which I need God. For if I were not hungry, I would not run to bread for life and sustenance.
If in my depravity of sin He wanted me near, how much more in my depravity of sanctification? If I were perfect, flawless in every way, I would not run to Him in my time of need to obtain mercy and grace.
My depravity isn’t meant to lock me in shame away from Him. It’s meant to unlock mercy.
My depravity doesn’t keep me at an arm’s distance away, it draws me into the embrace of lovingkindness.
I was made to be a companion, not an acquaintance.
That’s why He created. The Creator created in order to love. Paul was given a thorn in his side so that pride would not overtake him. Humanity exists because Jesus breathes. How weak is flesh that I cannot provide breath for myself.
Constant struggle, consistent battle of the flesh, all for what? All to run to Love. All to depend on One who longs to be called on. The One who longs to respond to my cry of help.
Depravity is not coming to a dead end, it’s the doorway into communion.
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