Matthew 9: 14,15 -Then the disciples of John came to Him saying, “Why do we and the Pharisees fast often, but Your disciples do not fast?” And Jesus said to them, “Can the friends of the bridegroom mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? But the day will come when the bridegroom will be taken away from them, and then they will fast.”
Now that Jesus has ascended to the right hand of the Father I must mourn, I must fast for Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted (Mt. 5:4). I mourn the loss of Jesus physically dwelling with me on earth. My Beloved is not tangibly present in the day to day. This should break my heart. I should be sick with love for Him, to see Him, to be with Him where He is.
Why am I not?
I do not want the pleasures of life if my Beloved is not in them. I do not want to satisfy longing in my spirit with things other than Jesus. I want a mourning heart. I want to feel the sting of loss. I want to see the depths of depravity when Jesus is not present.
I refuse to let culture or relevant Christianity tell me how and what to think obtains happiness or a good quality of life. I desire for Jesus to define my reality over and over and over again. I want to offer my life as weak, small and insignificant just so that Christ may be lifted up in me.
Holy Spirit I ask for a heart that mourns, weeps and laments over the absence of the bridegroom. I am the bride I have to, want to, must be distraught, inconsolable except for the presence of my Beloved. He is who I want. He is the source of all definitions of joy, gladness and success in this life.
I just want You, Jesus. You’re all I want. I will mourn for the loss of You, but I know that You will come and lift my weary eyes to gaze upon Your burning, jealous love; a most vehement flame.
To live in Your reality. The Father’s heart for humanity is sorrowful. He sees His children running around killing each other, cutting one another down, lying, stealing and hoarding. His heart is love. His joy is peace. He is complete in unity. I mourn as You do, Father. How quickly man turns to strife, bitterness and tolerance, even in Your bride. Where is love? Where are those not looking to be repaid for kindness? Not looking for tax breaks or any other reward? And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you (Luke 14:14).
Hear the cry of a lovesick heart yearning for and looking to the kingdom ruled by the King of kings, my Beloved and Redeemer. Give me a heart that mourns to find Jesus in this present reality.
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