Choice.

Child why have you forsaken me?
It wasn't I who hurt you,
it was the enemy.
Here are my arms
open wide for you,
I'm waiting 'til you decide
that I love you.
Yes I love you,
precious you.

It is easy to blame God for hurt, issues, struggles, brokeness, loss, fear, destruction, death. It is, in fact, a cop out; we are good blame-shifters and bad responsibilty- takers. God gave us choices, He instilled in us a pursuit for ethical decisions. Humanity has contorted, distorted, redefined what "good" is. Comparing our wrongful actions with those associated as "bad" humans rather than the standard of God; ultimately diminishing the perfect-ness. God's glory is so great, so vast, so abundant, so radiant that it merely shines on our face, or ... is supposed to anyways...

Where is the shine? Jesus is the light of the world, but honestly I'm feeling like we are all looking a bit dull. We need a gleen, we need sparkle; fervent shine. Something, no, Someone came and tried to polish us. That Someone tried with all their might to reveal the incredible Creator who loves us, it took death to accomplish yet for some it's just not enough. For some, it's a fairytale story about a man in history who did "good" things for some middle eastern people a long, long time ago. He didn't do "good," He IS good.

He is, just is.

Can you think about that for a moment?

Can you just exist without anything sustaining you, providing you life? God is. We subconsciously take in oxygen in order to live.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.

You begin to notice your heartbeat as blood pulses through your veins. You are once reminded that there is more than the epidermal layer that is the shell of your being. What you see is merely a case to hold the intricties of your bodily functions yet it also holds your emotions, thoughts, soul.

Your soul. Did you forget that you had one? Did you forget that the Holy Spirit of God penetrates you and holds your soul so that you may walk in the ways of God, if you allow it to? If you give over the control, God can change your life. He isn't requiring you to love Him. He doesn't force a relationship with you. You can make that decision on your own, He knows you can handle that choice, but He is jealous for you. That is love.

So when you fall away, when someone pushes you down because they're broken, when you are at a crossroads and decide on the wide path, when you lose hope because the ones you trusted spoon fed you lies: know that it wasn't Him who did it. He set you free to make your decisions yet He also sets you when you let the world overcome you.

He's patienty waiting. He's earnestly watching. He's ready when you are.

more of australyerrr

my dearest margaret just cooked me rice with green peppers after our red pepper was marred with black ambiguity.

"are you trying to kill me bev?" she retorts. how ever could I dare harm my sweet bed mate, or should i matey?

in all seriousness and disregarding the fact of our newfound psuedonyms as a result of our (sarah and mine) close quarters have been quite an experience from our daily trek to and from central train station, almost encounters with gorgeous aussie boys, plastic bags on our shoes to prevent rain soakage, a few blisters later, joel osteen's infectious smile (haha- NOT although his wife is not as stiff as pictures), Isaiah 61 and puzzle pieces, and not to mention a musical number centered around a beautiful Rayban boy we will forever miss and only dream about fondly.

and now a word from sarah:
"my people: *clears throat* from the land that i call home *lunge stance with both hands on hips, chin pointed towards the heavens* whom i love, whom i regard with deepest affection *heel pop and kick and arms up ....sort of* *touches ground* *half split* (narrator notes this may be an extravegant dance) *falls on back* *wheezes* i bid you farewell.

the end????

narrator's note: she just said that should be enough for them, that's all i have to offer, i can't imagine they would need anything else.

there you go, a word from the traveling.

day 1... or 2... in Australia!

We have finally arrived in Sydney, Australia. The city is absolutely massive, no lie, yet so beautiful and eclectic. There's a mix of new age architecture being constructed next to colorful rundown houses; an unexpected asian population surrounds. The taxi drivers are fast and reckless, native aussies consume the sidewalk.

The flight over here was great, I mean as great as a 12 hour flight can take anyways. Sarah and I each watched a movie, slept 7 hours, talked played cards, etc.

The funniest part of our airport experience in Brisbane was walking up to the airport train there was a load of people coming toward us. Mind you we were lugging around guitars, jet lagged and quite disorientated from the madness of an international airport. Continuing forth, an older lady stopped abruptly in front of us with an angry face and declared, "Well?!" when we were stuck in front of her. We were surprised at her sudden irritation with us, we simply didn't recognize a problem. Mere seconds after the incident we both realized that we had been walking on the right side, not the left. Yes, we were the dumb Americans going the wrong way.

Besides that, the girls we are staying with who go to the Hillsong Bible college are so sweet and fun and wonderful and inviting,... you get the picture :)

We'll keep you updated!

Light.

"Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secet to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you there on a hilltop, on a light stand- shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with god, this generous Father in heaven." Matthew 5:14-16 MSG

GOD said to Paul when he was in Corinth, the Las Vegas of our time:
"Do not be afraid: keep on speaking, do not be silent. For I am wih you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city." Acts 18:9 & 10 NIV

I say, let's be bold and stong; walking in faith everywhere we go. It's time for a revolution, let's continue to be the light together and shine brighter than ever before!

a simple complex

I love it when parents surprise you with their willingess to be open, listen and even joke around in intense and serious confessions.

I seriously wonder if anyone will find better parents than the ones I have. Not only are they hilarious, but great listeners. They never yell, cuss or throw things at me. They never blame their problems (if they ever voice them aloud) on me.

I am never their problem. I am their child and they love me, no matter how much I may ruin aspects of my life. I love them, to death.

The overprotectiveness is a gift, at times I do wish they would just quit and let me be- but without them I would be so lost. they bring me back, they humble my attitude, they are willing to start over and fix things without me even prompting.

To imagine that God is so much more is unfathomable. Wow: I'm perplexed yet grateful. My two week long headache has now ceased it's pounding, the constant interference is gone. Physically, I am well. Emotionally, I am stable. Spiritually, I am free.

The company of friend

There's something about the joy of friend. The moments of random life that can be shared. This is from one of my favorite friends: Sarah.

Enjoy!

"Hey lover lady.....

I like your feather hat.

I liked sitting on the beach... On your dysfunctional mat...in the cold.

I like your pictures you are showing me.

I like your skirt/shorts/thing.

I like the pretty yellow sunshine flowers on your desk.

I like your awkward yet strangely lovable parents.

I like your music.
I even like your dog.... But only the nice one that doesn't smell bad.

And I think I like your cat... But you really should teach it not to tear up the toilet paper.

I like your sweet serving heart

I like your passion for writing and your desire to become a journalist. I think you'll be great.

And......
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!! I had fun today. ;) even though all I did was homework. Hanging out made it a little more bearable. I probably would nothave gotten as much done.
Looooveee!!
Sarah"

Running Out of Breath, Fast

Torn between a desire for an other's success and looking out for my own interests is where I'm not enjoying being. I have such a desire to see my church's high school ministry thrive, grow and fulfill, but it's falling short- very, very short. As a student in this ministry I'm not drawn to come back or even keep serving in it, but due to the nature of my history at my church and the other ministries I'm joyfully serving in I feel as though I'm tied. I feel like it would be completely acceptable to find a new high school ministry to join, begin to serve and be filled spiritually. Unfortunately my parents don't agree and they feel that I have an obligation to the ministry to keep longevity and stay connected with my peers at that high school group.

The thing is this- no matter if my family has been attending the church for over sixteen years I shouldn't be required to do the same. I love working in my church's Jr. high ministry- I won't stop that ministry until I graduate from high school and go off to college, I love the "big church" services- our head pastor is amazing, but as far as finding good Christian friends at youth group is concerned it's inadequate to fit my needs. I don't "fit in" socially at school, I know kids and have plenty of friends, but it is so surface- y and meaningless to my spiritual growth. And yes, there may very well be good Christian kids at my church, but our personalities don't mesh.

What I'm trying to get at is that I feel tied down, I totally have the means- a car- to get to another youth group on a Wednesday night without my parents hassling to drop off and pick up. I know in my heart that I'm not called to be at my present youth group. I feel like I have poured so much time and have not gotten or am getting what it is I need. My heart is desperately calling out for a change to take place- whether it's the youth pastor or just me.

I just need friends, I have some but they are either married or in college. Here's the range of my best friends- 18- freshman in college, 18- freshman in college, 22- married and a youth pastor, 38- married with two kids who are 9 and 6, and lastly 23- and out of rehab. I barely yet turned 17 on Monday. Not too sound overly arrogant, but I honestly feel like the amount of maturity that has taken place in the last six months to a year is not being recognized by my parents and I want to cry but I feel like I can't breathe anymore.