Hidden

As I sit here eating peanut butter soup reminiscing of the times I've had in the Onething Internship, I can't help but feel a desire for hiddeness. A longing to only be seen by the eyes of the Lord. I want to be veiled from man's eyes, opinions, thoughts, judgments and requirements beating down on my soul. Fitly set eyes like doves, pure, unadulterated, affectionate, jealous are the ones of God.

The glorious truth is that He never stops gazing on me. This may be a terrible, exposing reality for some yet for the vulnerable and aching heart this is life. The lovesick ones cry out from the wound of love requesting more, more, more. My Beloved, the One I love, Jesus, King of righteousness is who I fully give myself to. All of my actions, words, thoughts and motives are unto intimacy.

I don't love You nearly to the depth that I want. Come and set Your seal of love upon my heart, God. You hold all my affection. Be the flame inside me, awaken love. Keep me hidden in the shadow of Your wings.

Words Have Substance

Speak evil of no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing all humility to all men. Titus 3.2

Not just the ones I like, enjoy or agree with. For words form life. . . or earth. There is an inherent capacity for words to actually depict and prophesy things that aren't as through they were. Sure, man cannot say, 'light' and instantly brightens surrounds (save for the last days when great power will come upon those who believe). Yet being made in the image of the eternal, immortal, invisible God we possess His qualities on a small scale. For example, a boy who is constantly told from his father that he is stupid will actually begin to believe it. His father has the authority to bless or curse him.

Blessing is not just for Isaac. Cursing is not just for demonized witches and warlocks. Humans are spirit in nature. Christians are you listening? The ones caught in evil actually have an understanding of power and authority that clings to words, although twisted in its function. Words can breathe life, vigor and encourage or they can demean, cast down and bring death.Even if I'm not directly cursing someone to their face I am provoking their spirit to be disquieted.

In essence, Matthew 5 is filtering itself in here, For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? Bringing it back to Titus, this act of love, this reality of loving your brother as yourself manifest as speaking evil of no one. For without love I'm just a clanging gong, nothing but air occupied, no real death, no real message, no real Christian.

For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously and godly in the present age. I've got to continue in the spirit what started in the spirit. If I attempt to reign myself in I will fall miserably. To call on the grace of God, to hide in the wounds of Christ recognizing that my life is not my own can only suffice.

Submit to the Holy Spirit. Wash, regenerate and transform the workings of my mind by the washing of the water of the Word. Releasing mercy is my only option. To not let pride sneak its slippery and sly ways into my Christian life. Jesus is coming back, I've got to partner with Hi in seeing millions of souls saved before His judgments on the wicked pour out. I do this by speaking evil of no one, to be peaceable, gentle and showing humility to all men.

Oh, When I Meet Him in the Clouds

“For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. . .” 1 Thessalonians 4:16,17

It sounds like a rather loud event. Jesus, the one who’s head and hair are white like wool and eyes like a flame of fire with a sharp two-edged sword coming out of His mouth shall be shouting (Rev 1:15,16). Also the voice of an archangel, not just an ordinary minister of God, but a chief or principal angel that constantly ministers in His counsel. Lastly, a trumpet, an alarm, a loud brass instrument resounding. Coincidentally in Revelation 11 at the seventh and last trumpet the Faithful Witness, Jesus, returns and avenges His bride from the wicked hands of the Anti-Christ. 1 Corinthians 15:52 declares, "in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible and we shall be changed."

All Christians vanishing mysteriously with no sign or warning and all those who are left behind are simply those who do not have a relationship with Jesus and alone they must endure the rise of the Anti-christ feels incredibly disheartening and not at all like the merciful God I know.The notion of only unbelievers suffering through the most concentrated amount of wickedness and immorality is sad. How ever will a harvest be reaped? How can "every eye see Him, even they who pierced Him" if no one notices that all Christ followers are gone? (Rev. 1:17) Jude 14 claims, "Behold, the Lord comes with ten thousands of His saints." If Jude could number it, I'm sure we will see it.

I'm excited!

Jesus, I will see You coming with the cloud! I can't wait to be surrounded with such a great cloud of witnesses on that Day. That Day when You'll come back for me and every wrong will be made right and You will establish righteousness on the earth as it is in heaven. I will know in assurance that this life is not in vain. No longer peering through a dim mirror trying to get a glimpse of You. Oh, what a glorious day! Every eye will see You and all will know that You are indeed alive and have risen for the sake of Love. You shall not let Your bride wander away from You any longer. Thank you Jesus for being Faithful and True.

Partnering With Me

I’ve decided to continue my stay at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City and be trained in the love of Christ at Forerunner School of Ministry (FSM) for at least six more months. My heart has come alive as I’ve read, sang and prayed the Word in the Global Prayer Room. The One Thing Internship that I will complete in December has laid a foundation of prayer, fasted lifestyle and what wholehearted love for Jesus looks like in my life. I miss San Diego and Newbreak Church incredibly yet I cannot help but feel the tug of the Lord asking me to wait before I enter into ministry and to cultivate intimacy with Him.

So here I am, an intercessory missionary! I never knew what intercession meant or was let alone the acute importance of daily, sustained prayer coupled with fasting. Everyone here is not perfect in their living of a Christian life, sin is called sin and when confessed and repented it is forgiven and covered in love. Don’t worry it’s also not a cult, I promise! It’s definitely a lot different than church in California but that doesn’t mitigate the genuine and authentic fruit of the Spirit displayed at IHOP.

The last thing I want is to sound elitist, like I have it all figured out or slightly less than a Pharisee, I feel like I’m now more in touch with the lies that I live with and sin patterns in my life that with the grace of God is slowly ebbing off. I don’t feel like I’m called to Kansas City forever, in fact, I know that California is where God wants me, but the prayer movement isn’t going anywhere and as YWAM and IHOP converge the missions and prayer movements there will be a fulfilling of the Great Commission in the next five years. Can you believe it?! It’s so exciting almost every tribe, tongue, people and nation will have heard the gospel of Jesus Christ!

I will be taking two classes every week which changes monthly as well as a practicum, 24 hours in the week in the GPR and service hours. The school is $1500 a semester and housing is $283 a month (I’m living with two of my roommates from the internship in a small house next to IHOPU) not including groceries, gas and giving. I would love to be fully funded in this next season of my life to be focused on learning the mysteries of Christ and developing a deep love for Him. Even Jesus had women who ministered to Him as He traveled to all the cities.

Please pray about partnering with me for the next six months with either a onetime or monthly gift. I genuinely appreciate all of the prayer that you have labored for me in the last six months and hopefully will for the next.

Truth

I've got to die to myself     
     hide in the wounds of Christ
Humbly declare my depravity
     apart from the resurrected Man

To loose the bonds of the world
    even if I look foolish
My Lover puts to shame
     the mighty acts of the world

My life is not my own
    forsaking it all to be a disciple
I shall lose my reputation
    in the abandonment

My frail frame supported by the Cross
     a weak yes ravishes
This is who I am
    but dust yet eternal

I will follow the Lamb
     wherever He goes
You know me well
     what you say is true

The American dream is not my reality
    I believe Your evaluation above man's
Beauty for ashes
     pure love, no false motives

None Like God

Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, to God who alone is wide, be honor and glory forever and ever Amen. 1 Timothy 1:17

It completely makes sense to me now why all honor and glory belong to God forever and ever. He alone is wise. Isaiah 40, Who instructed Him and taught Him in the path of justice? Who taught Him knowledge and showed Him the way of understanding? Clearly, He possess all understanding, all thoughts of man are inferior to Him. Thus render Him all honor and glory.

For why on earth should any mortal creation receive praise? The Father of rain, the Giver of life, the One who commanded the morning. Who is like God? Because He is I AM. Because He’s always been existing, eternity past and future. He’s outside of time. He is immortal. Nothing can take His life, Jesus offered Himself up as a sacrifice. He is completely and totally other than. He is invisible. I cannot see Him, for if I did surely I might die.

He is holy. He is mighty. Oh, woe is me for I am undone! A woman of unclean lips. I cannot even fathom what I could possibly imagine Him to be like. For what likeness will I compare to Him? None. Nothing. No one. He is incomparably different. He is so perfect, so good, so indescribable. There are no words to depict Him and that is quite alright.

The Cry of my Heart

I just want to love You Jesus. Why can’t the world see that it has freedom screaming out to them from the inside of their spirit. Jesus won’t You come and back and fully redeem us to You. Come and make the dark world bright with Your light. Will You awaken hearts to the knowledge of the truth of Your heart for Your created ones, made in the image of You.You are holy, fairer than the sons of men. You never change, you are glorious, radiant and beautiful. Come back Jesus. I need You more than I know. Vindicate me O Lord by Your coming. I desperately seek Your face but all I have is this dimly lit mirror. Come and restore clarity. Humanity is so far from Your original design.I cry out from the depths of my heart and stand in the gap for humanity and plead with You to come back. I need You, I cannot deny my inherent need of a Savior, You. All flesh is grass fading away only You last, only You remain.

I’m not worthy of Your sacrifice yet You see me as worth it. How can that be? Such a wretch like me, a hopeless basket case. Yet You made me and You love me, every single part. Even the past is wiped clean. The character traits that I think are displeasing You have declared it good. I am in You and You are in me. Take me to the place where You are. You are holy. I want to stand before Your throne of grace completely held captive by Your beauty. I want to gaze in fascination at the emerald rainbow of mercy that surrounds Your throne. I’m thirsting for You in this dry and weary land. Oh how I need You, oh how I long for You face to face.

I know one day we will be together. You will open up the gates of New Jerusalem and say, “Enter and find rest My child.” There will be no need for the sun for the Son shall the light, You will be my sunshine. I will have a new name, a new body glorified like Jesus’, and the capacity to freely receive from You and bow before Your feet in worship for days on end since there will be no night there. Eternity is just a shore. I want to swim in Your kindness and love for me. I’ve never loved like this, I’ve never been so in love. Bridegroom, King and Judge won’t You take me into You completely one day.

Expand my capacity for more of You Holy Spirit. Strengthen my inner man. Let my will be pleasing to You. I delight in Your word daily, it is the lamp unto my path. Guide me now and forevermore I pray.

Hallelujah Amen!