Cleansing Rain of Mercy

I haven't blogged lately. The truth is that my heart has been undergoing serious surgery. I wish I could say I've been a faithful bride to Jesus. In confronting my barreness, in this wilderness place where the Lord has been calling me to work through patterns and habits in my life that hinder love, I've ignored Him. I began drinking from broken cisterns, not obvious sins but slight applications of medicating the ache of love. Running around Him and not gazing at His face. I'm so used to drive- through Christianity, in which I can get what I want when I want it. Oh, but His timing and process is increasingly and altogether different than mine.

I replaced voluntary love with the rigors of striving and religiousity. I knew God as my Maker, but I did not have a revelation and experiential knowledge of God as my Husband. "For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name; and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth." Isaiah 54: 5 A lover will go farther, with intense diligence in contrast to a worker. I want to be a lover of the gospel, not just a worker.

So I've experienced an element of the Lord's kindness to which I can solemnly admit has lead me to repentence. His mercy has rained down over me, cleansed me. The other lovers promised they would cover and sustain me yet they failed me. Only Jesus satisfies. He tells me not to be afraid in coming back to Him and to just come as I am. No longer dependent on my own strengths and charisma, but leaning upon Him. Truly, truly there is rest in the midst of His will. It takes violence to get up under His yoke, but with genuine ease I remain.

In no way am I above the blood of the spotless Lamb. He keeps on taking me back. I am a trophy of His mercy, I still drip with the blood of the Lamb. Sure and steadfast mercy has never left me alone. The Cross is so beautiful, have you ever truly gazed upon it? He broke down the great wall of enminty and gave me His name. The only thing I can give to Him is the sweet fragrance of my weak but sincere love.