Oh, When I Meet Him in the Clouds

“For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. . .” 1 Thessalonians 4:16,17

It sounds like a rather loud event. Jesus, the one who’s head and hair are white like wool and eyes like a flame of fire with a sharp two-edged sword coming out of His mouth shall be shouting (Rev 1:15,16). Also the voice of an archangel, not just an ordinary minister of God, but a chief or principal angel that constantly ministers in His counsel. Lastly, a trumpet, an alarm, a loud brass instrument resounding. Coincidentally in Revelation 11 at the seventh and last trumpet the Faithful Witness, Jesus, returns and avenges His bride from the wicked hands of the Anti-Christ. 1 Corinthians 15:52 declares, "in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible and we shall be changed."

All Christians vanishing mysteriously with no sign or warning and all those who are left behind are simply those who do not have a relationship with Jesus and alone they must endure the rise of the Anti-christ feels incredibly disheartening and not at all like the merciful God I know.The notion of only unbelievers suffering through the most concentrated amount of wickedness and immorality is sad. How ever will a harvest be reaped? How can "every eye see Him, even they who pierced Him" if no one notices that all Christ followers are gone? (Rev. 1:17) Jude 14 claims, "Behold, the Lord comes with ten thousands of His saints." If Jude could number it, I'm sure we will see it.

I'm excited!

Jesus, I will see You coming with the cloud! I can't wait to be surrounded with such a great cloud of witnesses on that Day. That Day when You'll come back for me and every wrong will be made right and You will establish righteousness on the earth as it is in heaven. I will know in assurance that this life is not in vain. No longer peering through a dim mirror trying to get a glimpse of You. Oh, what a glorious day! Every eye will see You and all will know that You are indeed alive and have risen for the sake of Love. You shall not let Your bride wander away from You any longer. Thank you Jesus for being Faithful and True.

Partnering With Me

I’ve decided to continue my stay at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City and be trained in the love of Christ at Forerunner School of Ministry (FSM) for at least six more months. My heart has come alive as I’ve read, sang and prayed the Word in the Global Prayer Room. The One Thing Internship that I will complete in December has laid a foundation of prayer, fasted lifestyle and what wholehearted love for Jesus looks like in my life. I miss San Diego and Newbreak Church incredibly yet I cannot help but feel the tug of the Lord asking me to wait before I enter into ministry and to cultivate intimacy with Him.

So here I am, an intercessory missionary! I never knew what intercession meant or was let alone the acute importance of daily, sustained prayer coupled with fasting. Everyone here is not perfect in their living of a Christian life, sin is called sin and when confessed and repented it is forgiven and covered in love. Don’t worry it’s also not a cult, I promise! It’s definitely a lot different than church in California but that doesn’t mitigate the genuine and authentic fruit of the Spirit displayed at IHOP.

The last thing I want is to sound elitist, like I have it all figured out or slightly less than a Pharisee, I feel like I’m now more in touch with the lies that I live with and sin patterns in my life that with the grace of God is slowly ebbing off. I don’t feel like I’m called to Kansas City forever, in fact, I know that California is where God wants me, but the prayer movement isn’t going anywhere and as YWAM and IHOP converge the missions and prayer movements there will be a fulfilling of the Great Commission in the next five years. Can you believe it?! It’s so exciting almost every tribe, tongue, people and nation will have heard the gospel of Jesus Christ!

I will be taking two classes every week which changes monthly as well as a practicum, 24 hours in the week in the GPR and service hours. The school is $1500 a semester and housing is $283 a month (I’m living with two of my roommates from the internship in a small house next to IHOPU) not including groceries, gas and giving. I would love to be fully funded in this next season of my life to be focused on learning the mysteries of Christ and developing a deep love for Him. Even Jesus had women who ministered to Him as He traveled to all the cities.

Please pray about partnering with me for the next six months with either a onetime or monthly gift. I genuinely appreciate all of the prayer that you have labored for me in the last six months and hopefully will for the next.

Truth

I've got to die to myself     
     hide in the wounds of Christ
Humbly declare my depravity
     apart from the resurrected Man

To loose the bonds of the world
    even if I look foolish
My Lover puts to shame
     the mighty acts of the world

My life is not my own
    forsaking it all to be a disciple
I shall lose my reputation
    in the abandonment

My frail frame supported by the Cross
     a weak yes ravishes
This is who I am
    but dust yet eternal

I will follow the Lamb
     wherever He goes
You know me well
     what you say is true

The American dream is not my reality
    I believe Your evaluation above man's
Beauty for ashes
     pure love, no false motives

None Like God

Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, to God who alone is wide, be honor and glory forever and ever Amen. 1 Timothy 1:17

It completely makes sense to me now why all honor and glory belong to God forever and ever. He alone is wise. Isaiah 40, Who instructed Him and taught Him in the path of justice? Who taught Him knowledge and showed Him the way of understanding? Clearly, He possess all understanding, all thoughts of man are inferior to Him. Thus render Him all honor and glory.

For why on earth should any mortal creation receive praise? The Father of rain, the Giver of life, the One who commanded the morning. Who is like God? Because He is I AM. Because He’s always been existing, eternity past and future. He’s outside of time. He is immortal. Nothing can take His life, Jesus offered Himself up as a sacrifice. He is completely and totally other than. He is invisible. I cannot see Him, for if I did surely I might die.

He is holy. He is mighty. Oh, woe is me for I am undone! A woman of unclean lips. I cannot even fathom what I could possibly imagine Him to be like. For what likeness will I compare to Him? None. Nothing. No one. He is incomparably different. He is so perfect, so good, so indescribable. There are no words to depict Him and that is quite alright.

The Cry of my Heart

I just want to love You Jesus. Why can’t the world see that it has freedom screaming out to them from the inside of their spirit. Jesus won’t You come and back and fully redeem us to You. Come and make the dark world bright with Your light. Will You awaken hearts to the knowledge of the truth of Your heart for Your created ones, made in the image of You.You are holy, fairer than the sons of men. You never change, you are glorious, radiant and beautiful. Come back Jesus. I need You more than I know. Vindicate me O Lord by Your coming. I desperately seek Your face but all I have is this dimly lit mirror. Come and restore clarity. Humanity is so far from Your original design.I cry out from the depths of my heart and stand in the gap for humanity and plead with You to come back. I need You, I cannot deny my inherent need of a Savior, You. All flesh is grass fading away only You last, only You remain.

I’m not worthy of Your sacrifice yet You see me as worth it. How can that be? Such a wretch like me, a hopeless basket case. Yet You made me and You love me, every single part. Even the past is wiped clean. The character traits that I think are displeasing You have declared it good. I am in You and You are in me. Take me to the place where You are. You are holy. I want to stand before Your throne of grace completely held captive by Your beauty. I want to gaze in fascination at the emerald rainbow of mercy that surrounds Your throne. I’m thirsting for You in this dry and weary land. Oh how I need You, oh how I long for You face to face.

I know one day we will be together. You will open up the gates of New Jerusalem and say, “Enter and find rest My child.” There will be no need for the sun for the Son shall the light, You will be my sunshine. I will have a new name, a new body glorified like Jesus’, and the capacity to freely receive from You and bow before Your feet in worship for days on end since there will be no night there. Eternity is just a shore. I want to swim in Your kindness and love for me. I’ve never loved like this, I’ve never been so in love. Bridegroom, King and Judge won’t You take me into You completely one day.

Expand my capacity for more of You Holy Spirit. Strengthen my inner man. Let my will be pleasing to You. I delight in Your word daily, it is the lamp unto my path. Guide me now and forevermore I pray.

Hallelujah Amen!

Mourning for the Bridegroom

Matthew 9: 14,15 -Then the disciples of John came to Him saying, “Why do we and the Pharisees fast often, but Your disciples do not fast?” And Jesus said to them, “Can the friends of the bridegroom mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? But the day will come when the bridegroom will be taken away from them, and then they will fast.”

Now that Jesus has ascended to the right hand of the Father I must mourn, I must fast for Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted (Mt. 5:4). I mourn the loss of Jesus physically dwelling with me on earth. My Beloved is not tangibly present in the day to day. This should break my heart. I should be sick with love for Him, to see Him, to be with Him where He is.

Why am I not?

I do not want the pleasures of life if my Beloved is not in them. I do not want to satisfy longing in my spirit with things other than Jesus. I want a mourning heart. I want to feel the sting of loss. I want to see the depths of depravity when Jesus is not present.

I refuse to let culture or relevant Christianity tell me how and what to think obtains happiness or a good quality of life. I desire for Jesus to define my reality over and over and over again. I want to offer my life as weak, small and insignificant just so that Christ may be lifted up in me.

Holy Spirit I ask for a heart that mourns, weeps and laments over the absence of the bridegroom. I am the bride I have to, want to, must be distraught, inconsolable except for the presence of my Beloved. He is who I want. He is the source of all definitions of joy, gladness and success in this life.

I just want You, Jesus. You’re all I want. I will mourn for the loss of You, but I know that You will come and lift my weary eyes to gaze upon Your burning, jealous love; a most vehement flame.

To live in Your reality. The Father’s heart for humanity is sorrowful. He sees His children running around killing each other, cutting one another down, lying, stealing and hoarding. His heart is love. His joy is peace. He is complete in unity. I mourn as You do, Father. How quickly man turns to strife, bitterness and tolerance, even in Your bride. Where is love? Where are those not looking to be repaid for kindness? Not looking for tax breaks or any other reward? And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you (Luke 14:14).

Hear the cry of a lovesick heart yearning for and looking to the kingdom ruled by the King of kings, my Beloved and Redeemer. Give me a heart that mourns to find Jesus in this present reality.

Who is God

Some knowledge of what kind of God it is that operates the universe is indispensable to a sound philosophy of life and a sane outlook on the world scene. – A.W. Tozer Knowledge of the Holy

I have not viewed God rightly. My perceptions of relationships colliding with His truths wrecked the process of His grace through my lack of revelation of His true nature. God is not defined by His character traits, or at least the only ones we know of. He is not a balance of parts, but actually the absence of parts: uncreated.

Attempting to ponder the infinitude of God I always deemed useless which, in return, deemed my understanding of Him wrongly. It was always, “Why me? Can’t you just fix this God? You need me to carry out Your work so make me blameless.” No, no, no. How vain of me to think that God must make all efforts to change the nature of my flesh. He wants partnership not a dictatorship. I am made in the image of God, I do not possess all qualities that comprise Him; therefore, I lack strength to carry out His purposes and must redirect my free will unto His desires.

Before the law man did not know what was wrong and what was right. Nothing other than nature existed and because man unconsciously knew of the sin in his heart the law exposed sin. To die to oneself is to admit the faults of man and choose God. Man possesses nothing and must depend upon God through the exercising of moral choice.

In grace through Christ’s fleshly death and divine resurrection, man has now become victorious over sin. Belief in Christ has reversed nature’s sting and plants a new principle in our hearts so that our conduct genuinely desires to promote God. This is the denying of yourself, this is taking up of your cross, this is following God.

He is not against me, He is for me. He does not need me, He wants me. God has not backed Himself into a defenseless corner begging humanity to help Him redeem His reputation. God is not asking us to honor Him out of false pity. He is the undefended Defender. Unbelief is actually putting trust in dying men rather than the Eternal One. God is self-sufficient.

Let hope be the faith in the unseen natural realm and obedience resound because of the testimony of our lives. God is not comprised of love and dishes it out whenever we have been good little children. God is love, so we soak in Him every moment that acknowledges grace, truth and abundant life.