Torn between a desire for an other's success and looking out for my own interests is where I'm not enjoying being. I have such a desire to see my church's high school ministry thrive, grow and fulfill, but it's falling short- very, very short. As a student in this ministry I'm not drawn to come back or even keep serving in it, but due to the nature of my history at my church and the other ministries I'm joyfully serving in I feel as though I'm tied. I feel like it would be completely acceptable to find a new high school ministry to join, begin to serve and be filled spiritually. Unfortunately my parents don't agree and they feel that I have an obligation to the ministry to keep longevity and stay connected with my peers at that high school group.
The thing is this- no matter if my family has been attending the church for over sixteen years I shouldn't be required to do the same. I love working in my church's Jr. high ministry- I won't stop that ministry until I graduate from high school and go off to college, I love the "big church" services- our head pastor is amazing, but as far as finding good Christian friends at youth group is concerned it's inadequate to fit my needs. I don't "fit in" socially at school, I know kids and have plenty of friends, but it is so surface- y and meaningless to my spiritual growth. And yes, there may very well be good Christian kids at my church, but our personalities don't mesh.
What I'm trying to get at is that I feel tied down, I totally have the means- a car- to get to another youth group on a Wednesday night without my parents hassling to drop off and pick up. I know in my heart that I'm not called to be at my present youth group. I feel like I have poured so much time and have not gotten or am getting what it is I need. My heart is desperately calling out for a change to take place- whether it's the youth pastor or just me.
I just need friends, I have some but they are either married or in college. Here's the range of my best friends- 18- freshman in college, 18- freshman in college, 22- married and a youth pastor, 38- married with two kids who are 9 and 6, and lastly 23- and out of rehab. I barely yet turned 17 on Monday. Not too sound overly arrogant, but I honestly feel like the amount of maturity that has taken place in the last six months to a year is not being recognized by my parents and I want to cry but I feel like I can't breathe anymore.
The thing is this- no matter if my family has been attending the church for over sixteen years I shouldn't be required to do the same. I love working in my church's Jr. high ministry- I won't stop that ministry until I graduate from high school and go off to college, I love the "big church" services- our head pastor is amazing, but as far as finding good Christian friends at youth group is concerned it's inadequate to fit my needs. I don't "fit in" socially at school, I know kids and have plenty of friends, but it is so surface- y and meaningless to my spiritual growth. And yes, there may very well be good Christian kids at my church, but our personalities don't mesh.
What I'm trying to get at is that I feel tied down, I totally have the means- a car- to get to another youth group on a Wednesday night without my parents hassling to drop off and pick up. I know in my heart that I'm not called to be at my present youth group. I feel like I have poured so much time and have not gotten or am getting what it is I need. My heart is desperately calling out for a change to take place- whether it's the youth pastor or just me.
I just need friends, I have some but they are either married or in college. Here's the range of my best friends- 18- freshman in college, 18- freshman in college, 22- married and a youth pastor, 38- married with two kids who are 9 and 6, and lastly 23- and out of rehab. I barely yet turned 17 on Monday. Not too sound overly arrogant, but I honestly feel like the amount of maturity that has taken place in the last six months to a year is not being recognized by my parents and I want to cry but I feel like I can't breathe anymore.
